A lump in my throat.

I've spent the last couple days pouring over a book called "Dear John", by Nicholas Sparks. I've seen this book at the bookstore several times, and finally picked it up at the library this past weekend. I have not been able to put it down, even read it in the morning before work.

The story is about a man and a woman who meet. The man (John), a young soldier, meets this girl (Savannah) during his 2 week leave from duty in Germany. They unexpectedly fall head over heels very quickly, vowing to wait for each other until he comes home for good in two years. Then, 9/11 happens.

There are a range of emotions in this book that I relate to, many of them are the fears, sadness and struggles Savannah experiences. I can also see how Matt can relate to his experiences of being in Iraq - the violence, rage, the numbness a lot of soldiers go through in a war zone.

If you want to understand what it's like for Matt & I during his deployment to Iraq, I highly recommend reading this book. I won't fault you for not reading it, but it's important to me to share this with you.

"Do you remember when I told you that I draw strength from being with you?"

When I nodded, she skated her fingers along my chest. "I wasn't kidding about that. Last summer meant so much to me. More than you can ever imagine, and when you left, I was a wreck. Ask Tim. I barely worked on the houses. I know I sent you letters that made you think that all was wel and good, but it wasn't. I cried every night, and every day I'd sit at the house and keep imagining and hoping and wishing that you'd come strolling up the beach. Everytime I saw someone with a crew cut, I'd feel my heart start beating faster, even though I know it wasn't you. But that was the thing. I wanted it to be you. Every time. I know that what you do is important, and I understand that you're posted overseas, but I don't think I understood how hard it was going to be once you weren't around. It seemed like it was almost killing me, and it took a long time to even begin to feel normal again. And on this trip, as much as I wanted to see you, as much as I love you, there's a part of me that's terrified that I'm going to go to pieces again when our time is up. I'm being pulled in two directions, and my response was to do anything I could so I wouldn't have to go through what I did last year. So I tried to keep busy, you know? To keep my heart from being broken again."

- "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks