PTSD

I've been doing a lot of reading about homecoming celebratings, preparations and PTSD. I really don't know what to expect when Matt comes home - but the first thing that comes to mind is that I hope he doesn't hate my cats. My cats have been with me through thick and thin (mostly through thin because they run when I start crying). But regardless, they've been the ones who greet me at the door, crawl all over me when I'm sleeping and jump for food when they're starving (they don't really care about me, but that's another story).

I'm worried about a lot of other things. Will he think I'm a slob? That his house is a mess because he hasn't been here for a year, that I'm using his furniture? What if it doesn't work out? I guess I'll have to move out with my cats, which isn't a big deal since I don't have many belongings.

I don't know. I guess I don't know what to expect really. I love him so much and I'm ready to start a lifetime together. I want for this to work, but there's just so much that I am not aware of when it comes to experiences in Iraq. There are so many people who've welcomed their soldiers back from war and say that they've changed. Not only has the soldier changed, but the person back home has changed too. Counseling seems to be a big factor in helping a relationship work too, because of PTSD. I've been reading the message boards trying to scour for information, but there really isn't an expert article on "What to expect when your soldier comes home from Iraq". I did read a story from an Army wife that made me choke back tears... I hope Matt feels welcome when he comes home. I really do...

He's not been home for quite a week yet.. The changes in him are so terribly obvious to me, but no one else... We had to drive 2 hours last night so he could see his battle buddy..

He's having trouble being apart from him, so we've made plans for him to go and stay with his BB tuesday and wednesday.. I think they both need it. I've been in close contact with his BB's wifey as well... BB is having a hard time too without DH..

He hasn't slept in our bed since he's come home.. He will spend the "quality time" with me in bed, then go out to the living room to sleep in the recliner or on the couch.. He's even slept on the floor of our bedroom next to my side of the bed, I've stepped on him while going to the bathroom in the middle of the night..

He is having a very hard time adjusting to not having his weapon.. Saturday, he picked up his AR from the Panther dealership.. this is going to sound crazy, but he's done guard duty around the perimeter of our farm with his AR twice a day..

He says he's going for a "walk", but he takes his weapon with him to check the livestock and the fences.. I don't say anything.. I know what he's doing...

He has been getting up at 0600 every morning, and he goes to the kitchen... When I wake up every single cupboard is open.. I say, "Why are all the cupboard doors open?" He says, "Because I wanted to see what was inside them."

It seems like he is having a hard time comprehending the fact that he can open a cupboard door, and look at the contents and revel in fact that those contents belong to him..

He says, "See that stuff in the cupboard? IT'S MINE. That's MY stuff. Those are my coffee cups, that's my tomato soup, that's my Pyrex baking pan. I'll close the door when I'm done looking at it.."

Then he'll stand there and rearrange the contents, turn the labels out, stack the cups, close the door, go back and open the door, then rearrange it again.. He's pulled out all the tupperware, and stacked it on the kitchen floor, made towers with it, then put it back in the cupboard..